Peter Bailey: Original Blog

I received an e-mail from a friend who thought they were giving helpful advise.  Let me start out by saying that if you have not actually been through the loss of a SPOUSE (not just a loved one but your partner for life) then you have no actual first hand knowledge to say any of the following:

"I don't mean to be mean or rude, but do you think it might be time to move on? I know you loved/love Pete. But maybe enough is enough. Maybe there is someone out there who needs you. Your comments have gotten very one-track, and self centered. No offense".

This was a comment made to me on my Facebook page.  Grief is like a fingerprint and it's uniquely different for every person who goes through it.  There is no time limit on it nor is there any rules on how you will act on any given day.  Grief robs your body of energy and can even bring on pain.  You absolutely cannot wake one morning and say...Okay I thinks it's been long enough I'll just no longer feel bad about losing the love of my life. 

I tell you this so that if any of you that read my blog ever know anyone else that becomes a widow NEVER, EVER, EVER say those words to them or you know how they feel.  Even in our widow group we've each went through this devastation but it's been different for each of us.  Everyone grieves on different levels for different periods of times. 

So, if you know a person who has become a widow...I will tell you what works.  Once everything has died down...the widow is left alone...and believe me they have a lot of trouble asking for any kind of help.  I suggest the following.  You call them up and tell them you would like to do some grocery shopping for them and don't take no as an answer.  Tell them you are you going to come over and take care of their lawn for them.  Bring them some quick grocery meals or even some fast food.  Do these types of things for the whole first year of the widows new life.  It's like once the funeral is over the widow is no longer thought of.  And if you are what seems to be a strong person who is unable to ask for help like me then it's even worse because people assume that person is fine...no problem.  They are moving along just fine.  What they don't see beyond my chocolate thin candy coating is that I'm as hallow as an candy Easter bunny that could just shatter at anyones first clutch.  And remember hugs with no words are the best...just hug them and let them cry it out sometimes. 

If that doesn't work and they are in the Nashville, Franklin, or Murfreesboro area you need to send them to the grief group I started at: www.meetup.com/butterflywidows.  We will know what to do to help them get through this process.

God Bless and I Love you Peter. 

Your Mare 4:10 p.m.

 

Hey baby,

I know you would be very proud.  I've been struggling with grief and tried to find a group to be with that has been through the same thing I have but there was nothing out there for me.  So, well you know me...I started a grief group for women.  We are 9 strong now and I'm handing out our flyers and business cards (yes that I designed and made) to churches and grief counselors.  It's been great.  I have other wonderful ladies who share in the same type of devastation that I have and understand me.  We have now established a once a week meetup on Saturday mornings at a local coffee shop.  But we also get together once a month to do a dinner.  

 

I'll be hosting a Giving Thanks dinner next Friday at our house. We'll eat, drink and give thanks for the men that we were blessed enough to be given by Papa.  We miss you all so much and when we need to cry we cry, when we need to scream we scream, when we need hugs we get hugs.  It's so wonderful to have this kind of genuine comfort.  People, ex-co-workers, even family members who are not familiar with grief don't understand what it does to the body or the mind.  Lapses in everyday memory, pain from the grief itself.  You know me I don't like to or just can't share real feelings with others.  So I put on the face of bravery, well that is seen by outsiders of grief as "well she must be okay...she's joking and looks fine".  I'm not...and I know one day it will hurt less and less but I also know that this is a pain that will stay with me for the rest of my life.  It's not like the Arthritis that at anytime Papa can heal me from...this is a pain that will only lessen in it's intensity.  

 

For me it's easier to hear your music and watch your videos and talk to you around the house and on here, some of the other widows said it would probably be to hard for them.  But as you know it's how we started our relationship...over the phones and me falling asleep to your music.  We had two whole years of just friends on a phone and nine of us talking on the phones everyday on our way to work, at work, at lunch, on our way home from work. I miss your gig stories that you used to tell me at night when I couldn't fall asleep from the Arthritic pain.  I'm so glad you would tell me those and childhood stories because I lay in bed now and think of them and giggle just like we used to.  It's my way of coping with the greatest loss I have ever known.

 

I'm going through the difficulty of sleeping again...and I'm still not dreaming of you.  I miss you so much my love...so, so much.

 

All my love...Your Babita!

11:39 p.m.

Good morning my love,

In the words of the great poets of our time...

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

It's been 10 months today since I heard that beautiful warm voice of compassion wake up next to me and say..."good morning babydoll I love you". You know I could say what I would give for those moments again but what does it matter. Once you stepped off into the everlasting that was it. Oh I can't and don't blame you, as I know it's what were all here to learn and to do. You just got it before some others including me. I miss watching you at our breakfast table communing with Papa over your bible and breakfast.

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there's the healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I would, would be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there is healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin)
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

by: Lifehouse

Hey baby...it's one of those days and missing you is an understatement. Needing to hear you, feel you, touch you and be with you is such a priority today. Oh yeah...I bought that new mower and you would have loved it. Got a great deal...$275.00 and our old one that stopped working. It's great...17.5 hp and 42 inch cut it's just been worked on and it runs great. I better go for now and feed the boys and play with them...they are looking at me like "you're not daddy...and you don't play with us as much as daddy did". I don't like when they look at me like that...and I think I heard them talking with the cat the other day about getting rid of me but she spoke up and said "without her no food" so they stopped whatever they were planning to do. Or maybe I'm just loosing it here with our furry kids. You wanna chime in on this one honey? Guess not. I'll chat with you later I'm sure...all my love...Your Mare.

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a Queen
But if I'd only known how the Queen would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance

In the chilly hours and minutes,
Of uncertainty, I want to be,
In the warm hold of your loving mind.

To feel you all around me,
And to take your hand, along the sand,
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.

When sundown pales the sky,
I wanna hide a while, behind your smile,
And everywhere I'd look, your eyes I'd find.

For me to love you now,
Would be the sweetest thing, 'twould make me sing,
Ah, but I may as well, try and catch the wind.

When rain has hung the leaves with tears,
I want you near, to kill my fears
To help me to leave all my blues behind.

For standin' in your heart,
Is where I want to be, and I long to be,
Ah, but I may as well, try and catch the wind.


Lyrics by Donovan

I miss you my love...Your loving wife 1:21 a.m.

I don't know why but this week has really been an especially rough. I've been listening to some Jazz a really great singer called Jackie Ryan. She's wonderful...I know you would really have liked her. Well that's how the week started by the end of the week I was listening to R.E.M.'s Losing my Religion and Everybody Hurts. Missing you this week as always. Love you with all my heart not sure there will ever been enough of me again to share. You took so much with you. I know you didn't mean to it was in the way you loved me...very intense and very true as you promised to that beautiful day in May. So here I sit feeling like so...


Everybody Hurts by R.E.M.

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone


Your loving wife who's compass is not working....Mare 5:17 p.m.

Yes today it's been 9 months since you've gone...and tomorrow is your 57th birthday. I wrote this just for you baby...

I see your eyes in the blue clouds and know you are part of Papa and His glory, I feel your warm smile in the rising sun as it flows across my body,
I hear Papa's choir around me and know you are part of His symphony.

When you were here I never knew a day without your loving touch,
When you were here I never knew a day without the words I long to hear so much, When you were here I always knew you were my crutch.

Now that you are gone I learn to stand alone...but truly as always I am not alone...Papa is here and he's holding me up.
_____________________________________________________________________

Peter I miss you with all my heart and my love is with you. I wake up with you on my heart and mind and I go to bed with you on my heart and mind. It is not a burden to carry your love but sometimes it weighs me down, but I would never want that taken from me. I proudly carry your love with me, knowing how much you love me and how proud you always are of me. I never been so happy in my life as to have been your wife. You were and honorable and devoted partner, friend, grandfather, step-father, brother, husband and lover and most of all to me my BEST FRIEND. You are truly missed. My lifes direction has spun off the road and into a big field and I'm trying to find my way back on. I know Papa's and your love will guide me back.

Simply my love I miss you....Your loving babita. 8:11 a.m.

How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me,
when all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds and that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around,
turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you,
so many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space

But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face
Take a good look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It's the chance I've gotta take


Miss you honey....I love you...Your loving wife Mare 8:37 a.m.

Words can't even explain how hard it is to let go of your things. It's like tearing off a band-aid oh so slowly with every item I remove from your closet. I miss you baby, I truly do.

I'm listenig to your music and trying to get through this. You are so everywhere and ever present with me love. You have a permanent residence in my mind, I can hear you even when I'm not listening to your music. I carry you with me all day in my heart, you are not heavy but light and oh so colorful. Rich in voice and love and as I remember you sitting every morning at our breakfast table reading your bible and communing with Papa. I now sit here and study and talk with him daily. Trying oh so hard to develop my walk and hear Papa as clearly as you did. I know you are praising and worshiping in HIS presence and loving every minute and second of it.

I love you bass man...as you would say..."give the bass player some love...nuff said".

All my love to you baby.

Your loving Mare....9:41 a.m.

Really gonna miss you
Its really gonna be different without you
Time came when you had to go
For the rest of my life
Gonna be thinking about you (yes I am)

I'll miss you my buddy
I'll miss you my friend
I promise my love for you will never end

In your finest hour I was there with you
And without you things wont be the same
But there's a higher power that we answer to
And you heard Him calling your name

Really gonna miss you
Everything about you your smiling face
I know you want us all to be strong

Really gonna miss you
I know your going to that magic place
Singing you a brand new song

I'll miss you my buddy
I'll miss you my friend
I promise my love for you will never end

Really Gonna Miss You Love of my Life!!!!

Lyrics by Smokey Robinson

Your Loving Wife 9:56

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in
my heart) I am never without it (anywhere
I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

By: EE cummings


I miss and love you my darling with all my heart.

Your loving Mare

The song that starts to play when you come on to the website is the first song on the album "Dancing With God". The first verse starts like so...

"I had a house, I had a wife, I had a dog, I had a life, now I have none of the above but I have God and know his love".

Peter had gave up these earthly things along with some other baggage to find God. He thought the decision he made to come down here to Tennessee and who he came with was the answer, but it was not to be. Once he let go and let God he then found out that God had always been there waiting for him. Patiently.

When Peter was promoted home this year he went restored...

He had a house, he had a wife, he had two dogs and received everlasting life.

God is good all the time.

Mare 12:00 p.m.

Tomorrow brings the 8th month since I've heard your voice and talked with you, well at least where you would answer me back.

Tomorrow brings sadness once again. Actually, every morning brings sadness when I awake and that first sensation of realization that you are not here hits me...it's like a brick in the face. It really hurts. But I get up and I do what I need to do. I talk with God and ask him to take the pain and because he loves me...he does.

I miss you baby...I'm still working on cleaning out the garage and all your books. Whew...there are a lot of them. What a reader you were. Remember when we were at Borders and I was sitting on the floor in the isle reading a book. You came down and without saying anything took my book and looked through it, handed it back and said "honey there are no pictures in that book why do you have it"? We both started to laugh because he knew I don't like to read.

How funny the things you remember.

Bye honey talk to you later.

Your loving Mare

My love, my love I awake and you're not here
My love, my love I eat and you're not here
My love, my love I live and you're not here
My love, my love I pray and you're not here

Dear Papa, Dear Papa I awake and I know he's with You
Dear Papa, Dear Papa I eat and I know he's with You
Dear Papa, Dear Papa I live and I know he's with You
Dear Papa, Dear Papa I pray and I know You are with me

I guess we really don't know exactly the extent that our daily lives touch others.  I don't even know if you carry that on through with you when you are gone.  Do they know how we hurt, do they get some sense of it?  They must not or who would venture on knowing the deep wound they leave.  Especially when they are taken so suddenly from our lives.  Ripped away like a bandage. 

When you were ripped away from me the soar of my life you had been covering was attached to the bandage and it pulled away another deep wound.  No matter what it's not healing.  I feel pain from it everyday.  I keep picking at it and picking at it...even though I know doing so is not going to let it heal.  I can hear you in my head..."babydoll you need to leave it alone...and don't lay on your arm that way it's not good for the RA". 

I hold back the pain and live...just live.  No quality of life just living.  I know time heals all wounds...but whoever said this didn't know you and the great influence you put on my life.  Allowing me to be weak and weepy, because my partner was strong and willing to catch me.  For the first time in my life since having children I was able not to have to be the strong one.  But if I was there was never a problem there either.  We so complimented each other. 

I feel as if I look a 100 years old and my body feels it too.  The lack of sleep and your physical touch has made me feel all dried up inside and out. 

I better try for some sleep it's 3:54 a.m.

I love you with all my heart darling.  I always will.

Your loving wife...Mare

I've been listening to Nat King Cole. I bet people would be really surprised to know that he was one of your favorite singers. Such a smooth voice. We would listen to his cd as we fell asleep. I've been listening to Stardust and it breaks my heart to hear it now.

STARDUST....

And now the purple dusk of twilight time
Steals across the meadows of my heart
High up in the sky the little stars climb
Always reminding me that we're apart

You wander down the lane and far away
Leaving me a song that will not die
Love is now the stardust of yesterday
The music of the years gone by

Sometimes I wonder why I spend
The lonely night dreaming of a song
The melody haunts my reverie
And I am once again with you
When our love was new
And each kiss an inspiration
But that was long ago
Now my consolation
Is in the stardust of a song

Beside a garden wall
When stars are bright
You are in my arms
The nightingale tells his fairy tale
A paradise where roses bloom
Though I dream in vain
In my heart it will remain
My stardust melody
The memory of love's refrain


I love and miss you baby. Your loving Mare, 9:35 a.m.

I can't believe it has been 7 months since we last spoke. I mean together. As you know I speak with you daily still but I really don't hear your replies. I know one day I will. There have been some changes happening lately as I'm sure you already know about, but don't fear your goil (girl) as you would say will rise to the changes with God's grace and salvation. I miss you so much love. My days are filled with emptiness and lonliness surrounded by our memories. When I begin to cry out our loving little boy Gaberiel comes to my side and lays himself in my lap and loves deeply on me. I remember when you told me that you had prayed to Papa for a white loving acrobatic dog after we lost Tazmarelda. Within a few months Gabe came into our lives. Thank you for that blessing, he's a great companion.

I miss watching you shave your head in the morning. Listening to you pray, watching you as you spend time every morning deep in love with Papa spending that first part of your day with him. Oh baby, those wonderful 9 years of watching your grow and grow closer to Papa was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Although for me these past 7 months have been so hard in my walk but I know he hears me and I know he is with me waiting for my return. I have been slowing returning and with each step I take closer I feel more and more safe and content.

It's late and I better get some sleep. I have to decide if I want to drive to Nashville as Eric's church band are going to play "He Walks" tomorrow or should I go and check out a new church close by us here.

All my love baby you are always with me and always on my mind and heart. I love you with all my heart.

Your loving Wife.

How will I remember you
By the breathless way you always spoke
By the welcome in your arms
And what about this heart you broke

How will I remember you?
How could I forget a kiss so rare?
And a touch that carried me
A way out in to space somewhere

Come back to me
Come back to me
We hold the secret of
A special love
A love that’s meant to be

How will I remember you
What a foolish question sweetheart mine
When a thousand memories
Are with me nearly all the time

Come back to me
But til you do
How well will I remember you

Come back to me
But til you do
How well will I remember you

I miss you Peter...your loving wife...Mare

Written by: Walter Gross / Carl Sigman

It's 2:15 a.m. and saying I miss you is such an understatement. You know I'm not as a prolific writer as you so I'll let another say it for me....

"Because You Loved Me"

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me.


The boys, yosie and I miss the warmth of your smile and the deep love in your laughter.

Your loving wife...Mare

Happy Anniversary Willis love Helen.

Well, it's friday morning and of course my first thoughts are of you. Who would have guessed. My sleeping is getting pretty weird. First I can't sleep at all and now I'm sleeping what I would consider to much. I play videos of you in the house in the evening so I can hear your voice while I'm cleaning or cooking supper or playing with the boys. I so miss that deep bass sound of your wonderful voice. It helps me to have those videos.

I bought a card for the gentleman that received your lungs but I just haven't sent it to the donor services yet. Something inside is afraid I think, that they would send it back and tell me he didn't make it and that would be just like you dying all over again. Like I told you before with each little thing I have to remove your name from like the tags on the vehicles and such it pains me as if I loose a piece of you with each thing I do. I'm having a lot of trouble with the studio. At first I went in and straightened out things and your closet and now I won't go in there at all. I put up the baby gate and just pass it each day. Longing to hear your squeaky chair moving back and forth watching you rock with your headphones on listening to music. I so want to change the room to make it into another bedroom for company (like I have a lot of that) but for just in case. And I feel like I just can't but part of me feels I have to. You know me...wanting to just change things like I always do. You would think the new livingroom furniture would be enough but no...I need to change that room. It's tearing me up. I think somehow if I change it you won't come back or I'm letting go of you and I can't bare the thought of letting go of you again. The couselor (oh yes I'm seeing a counselor honey) said I need to try to stop problem solving this situation and deal with my feelings but you know me...grin and bare it and don't let them see you sweat. You were the only person I could just breakdown with and I knew you would let me breakdown and protect me. I better go it's time to get ready for work. I miss you and I love you. Tell Papa hi and I love HIm.

Your devoted groupie (hee hee) and loving wife...Mare 6:08 a.m.

How could I have ever known that beautiful day in May of 2001 that I would only have 2, 783 more days with you.

I remember that horrible night 3 1/2 months ago so much more these days and regret with all my being that I came home and left you there. I don't care what anyone else says I should have stayed and so regret it now and will regret that stupid decision for the rest of my life. It haunts me now daily. Those were my last moments with you and I let it slip away. Never to touch you, see your face, feel your skin, your hand in mine, your silly jokes, the late night gig stories, watching you in praise and worship and the flirting that we always shared. The way you could look at me from across a room and everyone else would just fade away. Those quiet tender moments when nothing was said and we were just together. The way we would pray on the way to work to start off our day and before bed to protect our slumber. Oh so many things my love, oh so many things. I hurt so much for you. I would say God Bless you baby but I ask for his blessing on me instead. Hey, do me a favor and tell Papa I love him and as I'm sure he knows, he's got the best bass player in the heavens backing up the choir now.

Your devoted loving wife...Mare 5:42 p.m.

I know the girls at work think we were crazy because of all the anniversaries we celebrated. It was 9 years ago today "First Time Ever I Saw Your Face".

First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, The first time ever I saw your face, I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the empty skies, my love,
To the dark and the empty skies.

The first time ever I kissed your mouth
And felt your heart beat close to mine
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command, my love
That was there at my command.

And the first time ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy would fill the earth
And last till the end of time my love
It would last till the end of time my love

The first time ever I saw your face, your face,
your face, your face


This so said what I was feeling for today. That first hand holding, lips touching, the feel of being in your arms after 2 years of phone courtship was one of the most intense meetings I've ever experienced.

I will talk with you soon my love...Your beloved Mare

I can't believe it's been 3 months. 3 months seems so much like a lifetime. We would have been working in our gardens and pruning the the fruit trees. I think this is going to be the year of the Peach. Your peach trees will yield this year. I am also planting blueberry, raspberry and a grape bush to go along with our blackberry bush. Aaahhh fresh fruit. I can just picture you in the mornings letting the dogs out then picking some fresh fruit for your cereal. I've also planted tomatoes and of course jalapenos you know it's mandatory as a mexican woman. It's going to be a great garden again this year. With the fresh herbs my salsa will be kickin.

I better toddle off my love...I miss you more than you could ever know. Your warmth, smile, eyes, touch. The sound of my name when it leaves your lips.

Hi baby...well I'm finally able to go back to the Saturday morning ritual. Gather the trash take it out so I transport it later. Listening Stevie Wonders song "Please Don't Go". You I love the bass parts. I remember those first few months when were first together...oh those sweet Saturday mornings with the music playing so loud us cleaning the house and you in the kitchen fixing me your mother's wonderful recipe for breakfast...Egg in a cup. Oh how I miss that so much. I just walk through like a shadow of myself searching from room to room..for what I don't know. In a fog and a haze more these days. My true love...my true love I ache for you. Nothing can stop the ache there is no drug for this pain.

I miss you baby.

Your loving Mare 8:29 a.m.